Sunday, December 20, 2009

We finally finished our creche!!

It really was a lot of fun. Something we will have to do as a family every year!!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Strength of Our Feet

I woke up this morning feeling absolutely horrid.

That, in itself is nothing new. Since Abby started nursery school last month, we've become the House of the Damned, going from one illness to the next. I understand the whole "you need to stay home when you're sick so you don't spread it to everyone else" courtesy, but we're to the point that if we did that, we are never, ever leaving this house until Spring. A quick check confirmed no one has fevers (because that does merit staying out of public), and off to Mass we go.

Naturally, we were late for Mass, so we sat at the very, very, very back of the church. The building is over 100 years old, so while the acoustics are not terrible thanks to modern wonder of amplification, they're not great. I'm struggling to hear the priest over the noise of my less-than-happy-to-be-there-this-morning children. Plus, I'm still figuring out his very-thick African accent.*

The priest raises his hands in prayer, and prays for the strength of our feet. I'm sure I had a weird look on my face until I realized he was praying for the strength of our faith, and not our feet.

I giggled inwardly to myself at my silly mistake, but stopped suddenly at a revelation. Sometimes it is about the strength of our feet. Not necessarily our physical feet, but about our ability to keep going, keep taking the next step, and to keep putting on foot in front of another, so to speak.

My husband and I have had moments in our life together when the only thing we have is the strength of our feet. During the December when Abby was diagnosed with Infantile Spasms. During the long, dark days of January when Abby was in the depths of the ACTH. When she relapsed and ended up in the hospital again. When we got her diagnosis of Autism. Even the days early in my pregnancy with Rachael when I started bleeding, and I thought that I was going to lose her.

Even my friends, there are a few in mind that have had a less-than-stellar year. Yet they keep putting one foot in front of another, and keep going. The strength of their feet is the only thing that keeps them going from one moment to the next.

It's our ability to keep going, to keep putting one foot in front of another, that sees us though. It's something we need to do no matter what path God has set us on.

I think I will pray for both the strength of my faith and the strength of my feet.

* Growing up, I had a teacher who was from Africa. I loved listening to him speak, the gentle lilt of his voice, and the way certain words rolled off his tongue. The catch was, of course, that we were all speaking French. As a result, I have never met a French-speaking African native that I can't understand. However, according to my brain, English is a whole other ballgame. I seem to have to re-learn the intricacies of their unique pronunciations with each new person I meet.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


I spent many years in Diaspora before coming home to the Church. In those years adrift, a single phrase from Mass remained in my head (and in my heart), and ultimately led me home.

"Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed."

It was that promise of healing that drew me back. Even alone in the wilderness, I knew that He had that power.

For a long time, I focused on the not worthy part. I understood that I was imperfect, and as such not able to fully be with Him. I wept in sorrow and repentence. But recently, it's the promise of healing that draws me. It's that promise that fills me with hope, not only for myself, but for my small, hurting family.

God may not heal my child, but He can help heal my heart.

Glory be to God.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Oh! The Places You'll Go!

God has been taking me on an interesting journey.

The centralness of my Catholic faith fills up and the wanes from the centre of my life periodically... we're in the "filling up" phase right now. It's Lent, and I've been thinking an awful lot about sin. I'm not sure if it's in a good way or a bad way. Is there a good way to think about sin?

Without divulging my secrets here, I'm gaining insight into why we have Reconciliation. To those who don't know, it's the "new" name for Confession. But Confession wasn't sufficient as far as names and labels go; there's more to it than just reciting a litany of the darkness of your soul. Reconciliation can be life-altering. I know of at least one instance in my own life where it has been. And I think that I'm approaching that point again, when that need to reconcile what I was with what I'm meant to be is coming to a head.

I realize today that God provides a path for us to follow. I have prayed for days, weeks, to reconnect with my daughter, from whom I feel increasingly distant as she spends the bulk of her day with her tutors. By the end of her "work" day, I'm busy with supper and dishes, and then bed. I don't get "quality" time with her. What does God do? He sends snow!! Unexpectedly, our afternoon tutor cancels due to weather today, and I'm left thinking, "What do I do with this child of mine this afternoon?" Amazingly, her baby sister napped, and we got time together. She helped me unload the dishwasher. We made cookies. We sat around and ate cookies. We looked at books. We roughhoused and played. It was a wonderful experience that suddenly helped me connect with my child again (and allowed me to see how much she's grown up the past weeks and months!!!) I feel like I can resume being her mother.

I have other paths to follow. I get the sense that God has laid a road for me to follow in the coming months, and I want to be obedient and travel it. I'm hoping it will lead me to where I think it's going, but I'm okay if it takes me somewhere else too. I finally feel like my life has direction again after years of being adrift. There's a role for me and my family in this larger community, and my greatest desire is to fill it.

However, instead of going it alone like Dr. Seuss predicted, I'm going by the grace of God and the help of my friends and family.

It's gonna be an awesome ride.